sis. lulu cadiente passed away last May 2, 2009 because of breast cancer. she fought hard, she lived well and now she's with God in heaven. she's the former chairman of the children ministry. our sincere condolences goes out to her family and loved ones.

last saturday feeling mayaman ako dahil kaka-sweldo ko lang (next week tiyak mahirap na ulet ako) kaya naisipan namin mag-bonding ng mga little brothers ko sa sm sta.rosa, boys day out kumbaga. actually, gala lang dapat and hanap ng toys ni chayil sa mga mcdonald branches, sabe kase niya importante sa buhay niya na mahanap niya ang mga toys na yun. hay. sige na nga, pagbigyan.

i had loads of fun with chashar and chayil kaya nga super lab-lab ko ang dalawang cute na itlog na ito. for the meantime na wala akong significant other, sila muna ang makikinabang sa sweldo ko, pero hindi ibig sabihin galante akong boyfriend ha. minsan lang naman kase kame lumabas ng two boys kaya dapat all-out treat na di ba? lol. oh, wag ka na umangal, hindi ka naman bata eh!

first stop ay kumain kame sa mcdonalds dahil nag-iba ang gusto ni chayil, gusto na niya ng happy meal na tamagochi. then nanood kame ng wolverine and after that, naglaro kame sa Tom's World. may mga food trips din kame. hala, sagana sa libre talaga mga little brothers ko kaya siguro sobra nila ako lab-lab. hmm.. itigil ko kaya ang manlibre?

i learned my lesson why it's not advisable to bring a 6-year-old kid sa movie house, especially if hindi naman cartoons ang papanoorin -- waste of money, no concentration sa palabas and loads of bloopers.

here's some of chayil's funny moments:

chayil: hala!
bonj: oh, baket chayil?
chayil: nalulula ako. akala ko mahuhulog na ako dito (nasa balcony kase kame)
bonj: oh, kapit ka lang. hehe.
chayi: ang laki kase ng screen, pero mas malaki ang eroplano kaysa diyan di ba kuya rye?
bonj: oo naman chayil.

(nung pinatay na ang ilaw sa movie house kase mag-start na at tahimik na ang lahat)
chayil: hala, ang dilim. ang dilim.
bonj: ssshh, chayil, mag-start na.
chayil: kuya rye, ang dilim. ang dilim naman.
bonj: oo, ganito talaga kapag mag-start na yung movie.
chayil. ang dilim. hala, ang dilim. ang dilim.
bonj: chayil, wag na maingay please.
chayil: ang dilim. (humabol pa talaga)

(scene na nag-kiss si Logan and yung girlfriend nya)
bonj: chayil, cover your eyes ha (habang tinatakpan ko ang eyes niya ng kamay ko)
chayil: (tinanggal ang kamay ko) eh kuya rye, kaya nga sine ito di ba kase kailangan panoorin lahat.
bonj: oo, pero hindi iyang scene na yan.
chayil: (nanlaki ang mata sa eksena) hala. hala. hala.
(hay, patay akong bata ako)

(scene kung saan pinatay si Logan)
chayil: hala, pinatay nila, lagot sila, mumultuhin sila nyan.
bonj: (natawa)

(out of nowhere nagcomment si little mama)
chayil: kuya rye, baket walang naglalakad na tao sa screen? kase kapag nanonod kame dvd sa bahay may mga dumaan na ulo ng tao. baket dito walang dumadaan?
bonj: kase chayil nanonood sila lahat. ayaw nila muna tumayo.
chayil: ay sayang.

the whole time hindi siya nagfocus para manood, period. kung ano ano ang ginagawa. buti na lang si chashar eh hindi na alagain. hay. pero the movie is worth it naman so okay na din.

so don't bring kids sa non-cartoon movies, okay? unless trip talaga nila si wolverine at ang x-men. lol.


he's adorable

it just happened. i don't know how but all of a sudden, we're just rubbing elbow to elbow. and i irritatingly like it. it's your fault, no pointing back. you should have not rubbed it but you still did, and i'm left wanting some more.

i guess it's really over now, eh? stupid of me for letting you go and for coming back not sooner as you expected. i know it's unfair of me to be upset with you because you've endured so much pain, with me just brushing it all away thinking that you'd still hold on. but my heart right now is so defensive for my shortcomings, saying how could you not wait for me, i needed time to understand the word "committment" and finally make it happen for you, give me more time, please.

but yeah, i can't blame you if you already had a change of heart, you loved me so much and gave your all, but i'm just so inconsistent, and stupid.

i thought two bouquet of flowers for your birthday would make up for the years i'm gone. oh, i just thought.
i thought inviting you for a valentine concert would rebuild solid ground and re-ignite old flames, but i'm just now a least priority so you declined.
i thought that efforts would prove something but being inconsistent just shows something.

if only i woke up early, if only someone threw a bucket of freezing water on me, if only i have an alarm, maybe i could have saved what we have.

now i'm just full of regrets, what ifs that would never get you back.

what used to be



happy valentine's day, guys!

death is inevitable, we all know that, but this is so soon. i never get to say goodbye.

this life we have is just the beginning. there's more after this, eternally. death is an ugly thought but is a reality we will eventually face.

yesterday as i was having my siesta, i was awaken by my siblings with a heartbreaking news, my lola iving in bacolod just died that morning. my immediate response was, "what!? no, it can't be. she can't die now, no!" i was shocked. i refused to believe. it was just the kind of news i would never ever wish or want receiving. at that moment i just want to be there in bacolod to see her, but i'm no superman, man can't fly.

lola iving was the sister of my lola's husband, our last remaining lola. it pains me to hear that she passed away without us saying goodbye or even seeing her one last time. she died because of old age, she's 90.

i love her, i already miss her, just like my other lolas. but we can't always go back to bacolod to visit her, that's just the sad part. it was 2003 since we last had a vacation there, and we just had a great time. i would never ever forget the week that we spent there.

i ran and hugged her and kissed her the day that we arrived. i could still picture that day. we were so excited to see her as she is excited to see us. she's standing by the door waiting for us, then i saw her smile when she saw us. i was almost in tears, happy tears.

mom is strong, i like that about her. i thought she'd be breaking down or something but when i talked to her, she'd already accepted it. i'm relieved there's no drama, i can't handle mom crying. she and auntie will be going home to bacolod this coming October 24. we wanted to come but we can't afford a plane ticket for the four of us at once and also, we can't travel by sea since it's an emergency. it's just sad that i won't be able to see lola iving, but i really, really want to.

mom won't be here for my birthday since she'd be staying there until sunday, a not so happy birthday after all.

i will miss you, lola iving. see you in heaven. we love you, i know you know that.

i wasn't sure if it's really 10 seconds but it seems a lifetime to me. poor me.

saw you at last. deep inside me, I was greeting you, saying, "it's so good to see you again." but then, an arm is wrapped around you this time. i wasn't sure if i was bleeding, but i felt a bit of pain.

oh, what a nasty morning.

i'm very upset. why do you have to delete me? why?

three good people have resigned.
three good people who have been close to me.
three good people who found better opportunities.
three good people who bid their goodbyes -- er, haven't talked to ken yet.
three good people who have no idea how sad i am to see them leave.
three good people, rai, ken and arlene, who became my friends.
to you guys, i wish you all the best and till we meet again.
thank you for crossing paths with me.

happy independence day to us. our country had gone through rough times and had been under many different countries but enough is enough! we're a free country now, give us a break, okay? but not really, because we're still under GMA's regime. oh, the endless suffering of filipinos, economy-wise.

come on, guys, let's make our country proud, let's work abroad and live there. ha-ha.

"iba pa rin sa pinas at ang pinoy."

kudos to Rafael Nadal for beating roger federer last night. ha-ha. i stayed up until midnight to watch the match and i wasn't disappointed. it's worth the eyebags. ha-ha. it was his third consecutive time to win the Roland Garros tournament, he's wicked.

also, kudos to justine henin for winning the women's division, although I am curious as to why her surname's back to just henin now, which was henin-hardenne the last time i saw her play. ha-ha. forgive me for this question but, "are you guys divorced?" ha-ha.

i got baptized, at last, this morning at villa silvina in biñan. when our pastor announced that our church will be having a water baptism, i did not think twice. i have been a Christian for more or less 16 years now and water baptism is a must. it was a cool experience, plus it's a manifestation that i'm dead serious for my love to God.

to God be the glory.

i met up with gee and clyde yesterday. as usual, i was late, but just a little -- ok fine, about an hour late. the reason for our getting-together is because clyde's going to seminary today and will be there for a whopping 10 years. so i guess we'll be seeing each other after 10 years then. i said to him that i'll be attending his first mass even though i'm not a catholic. ha-ha. but seriously, i will attend it.

gee, on the other hand, is the special person in my heart and old flames certainly were ignited when we met yesterday. it's so nice to see her again. she's still very pretty but a bit skinny now. when we bid goodbye i said to her that i'll be seeing her again on our date. yep, we're going on a date, unlike clyde who i will be seeing after a decade.

we'll miss clyde, such a good friend and someone who i owe big. well, his sacrifice is for a more divine purpose. at least he now knows his purpose in life, unlike me.

pray for us, clyde, because we'll be praying for you. till then.

i just arrived from another out-of-town trip, this time from Caliraya. even though it's only an overnight stay, i had a lot of fun, especially because i like the people i'm with. thanks to Mikee for introducing me to his college barkada. they are all genuinely good people and are also camwhores like me. haha. this time, i had the chance to meet one of their friend, jiezel, who turns out to be a Christian too like me and Mikee. Jiezel's having a vacation here in the philippines. she lives in the US.

with gizyl is ralph, her special friend, who's a hawaiian guy, but he's pure filipino, though. he was born and raised there in Hawaii and so he doesn't know how to speak and understand tagalog at all. Ralph did make my nose bleed knowing me that i can't express myself that fluent in english, conversation-wise. haha. but i tried my best to converse with him, promise! by the way, we're of the same course and both are hating it, computer science. he's also with the US air force, which is so cool. he does a lot of things back in hawaii. haha. he's smart, i can tell. Jiezel is very nice, easy to get along, and also cracks corny jokes like me!

well, i can say that i did my part in our trip 'cause i made them laugh a lot. haha. well, ralph said that i'm funny. haha. that's a compliment, i'll take it! well, he's my first english-speaking friend and it's definitely a whole new experience for me. but mind you, I also made his nose bleed, 'cause i taught him some simple tagalog words and boy, i really did avenge the bloods that i've lost. lol.

i hope i can see them again. bon voyage, guys! (June 1-2,2007)

after two years of so called planning and stuff, it finally materialized and, lo and behold, our first company outing in antipolo, rizal. it was fun, a time away from work, just what we needed. (May 6-7,2007)

add-on:

it really is true that if it's your time, it really is your time, no matter what's your status in life is, your age, how noble you've been, or how smart you are. this i can attest to what had just happened to our neighbor who passed away last saturday. he died young and relatively was a nice young man compared to his peers. the cause of the death was a hemorrhagic stroke, as far as i know. we didn't really know each other but i was sadden by his passing, maybe because i feel that he deserves to live longer than others. but everything happens for a reason. at least now he can be with his friend, lester, also a childhood friend of mine, who died last 2005. lester also died young, from drowning. (Gerald - May 5, 2007)

wearing red during valentines day for me is overrated. no offense but that's my opinion. do i sound bitter? haha. but come to think of it, i used to wear red waaaaayyyy back in high school having this mental attitude that it's cool to flaunt the obvious shade of color of valentines. but of course, you learn in time that it's not that cool. banality is not cool.

it was not until i buttoned up my polo shirt that i noticed the shade of color i'm wearing today, black. i didn't plan on what color i will be wearing because i really don't have plans for today nor a reason to look forward to to this day nor have the excitement for celebrating this day. i've had no inspiration for more than a year now, and wohoo, my heart still beats.

surprisingly enough, 6 out of 10 people wore black this day and of the 4 left, maybe 2 are wearing other colors and 2 are brave enough to walk in red.

flowers, cards, greetings, chocolates are just now ordinary things for me hence of me being a single.

The weather is funny and so is Manny. I'm actually liking the cold weather even though it's not December, if you haven't noticed, but not Manny's decision to run for politics. Politics is, as always, heating up in spite of the cold days we're experiencing and to think it's only February; campaign here, campaign there, TV ad here, TV ad there, the roads were being fixed, there are new waiting sheds for everyone to have, tarpaulin here, tarpaulin there, among others. Walls are yet to be decorated with faces, just below the words "VOTE FOR.."
In our place, there's even a sort of like mini billboard that greets motorists as they enter the town proper, which wasn't there last year or the other year. *Puke* But one thing's for sure, you just couldn't be left with a feeling of awe when you see this road constructions being done or waiting sheds being placed and all sorts of whatnots because for sure, there would always be a project-by-me placard on it that was tailor-made for them. No! those things weren't tailor-made for us, it's still for their own benefits and that really irritates me. New projects, eh! Why is it just now? So Manny better straighten up and obey her mother or else I'll give him a damn good right-hand punch.

Man, the endless greediness of mankind for power! *Puke*

Anyway, they said that the cold weather that we're experiencing is due to the melting mountain of ice in whatever-place-coldest and I assume that global warming is the main culprait of this natural event or heck! if I'm wrong, maybe because it's just summer back there. But hey, come to realize the magnitude of the melting ice mountains that it reached our country, it really is scary. It might be in favor for us who's a tropical archipelago that's desperate for some cooling down but what about to the living things in those cold places? and what about the living things that lives in coastlines?

Man, it's humankind's ever increasing negligence to respect Mother Nature. *Puke*

The hurt begins when we start assuming things because most of the time it's misleading.

In the past I'm like that. It's funny, though, because there was never a love on the other end. I guess it's desperation, unconsciously.
But I learned to stop assuming, especially if I feel that we'll never exchange sweet whatnots, discover a whole new world, tour all of the malls in the Philippines or talk like we've never talked for ages.

Kudos once again to Roger Federer for winning the Australian Open and to Serena for upsetting Maria Sharapova.

Who likes an on-the-spot question? I don't!

While watching Princess Hours, my sister, out of nowhere, asked me what are my plans or goals this 2007 and I was, well, obviously, caught unguarded. Who wouldn't? You're there minding nothing, just watching TV, relaxing, and then all of a sudden somebody will throw in a life-threatening question into your face. So there. There was silence after her query. And to her disappointment, I just smiled.

A few days after that conversation (if one question and silence is considered a conversation) that question suddenly struck me and had been playing over and over again in my head. And I really felt bad, not because I just smiled instead of responding but because I really have nothing to offer but a smile. I felt bad because I wasn't planning anything. I wasn't setting any goals, either a short-term or a long-term one, for myself. I don't know. That did alarm me. I'm like a leaf in a river, just going along with its flow, not even trying to oppose its downstream movement, seems like I let the river decide for my fate. I once again disappointed myself, how much more the people that cares for me. maybe I need to be more organized and learn to prioritize things in my life.

I never knew a question could hurt me -- er, could make me realize things in life.

The throbbing sound is now inaudible.. no more intensity.
I can't seem to feel your gravity pulling me this time.. the attraction's fleeting.
The world didn't stop.. I was the one left frozen.
The music band didn't play.. not even a do-re-mi song.
My eyes kept glaring, but I felt nothing.

.. ugh! My endless assumption of our connection.